A breath of Fresh Air

[Diesel]

Ian walked out the front door, grabbing his jacket that he left in the closet just the other day. His head was swirling and he didn't know if he could really take it anymore. He walked over to the statue in front of the courtyard and sat down on the side of it. Ian leaned his head back and let out a loud breath. Damn it, this sucks. It's like nothing is ever gonna be alright. First that shit with the Brotherhood attack, then finding out what happened to Spitfire out there... Ian looked sick again for a second and took another breath of fresh air to keep his food down like he usually had to when he thought of that.

He picked up a pebble and skipped it into the new replanted bushes with a sigh. Limbo was freaking nuts. We tried to sneak in, to get Nightcrawler and Wolverine back, so Spitfire could be ok. Then all that shit happened, and I lost Haven there. I tried to help her, I didn't and she had to go through all that. I thought I lost her for good. And then the others came and I couldn't see Pipsqueak in that crowd...

Another pebble went flying into the bushes and Ian banged his head back again and let out a breath. He didn't know what set him off, maybe the fact that things were not the same, that he wasn't the same. His life went from an easygoing walk on the beach to surfing in the craziest hurricane out there, and Ian no longer knew what was up. It did nothing more than frustrate and confuse him.

[Haven]

Stepping out of the front of the mansion, letting her forcefield come up to protect her from the cold, she looked and saw Ian sitting tossing stones. She knew he saw her, he had to she wasn't sneaking. "Uh, hey...." she said as she walked over closer to him "You left out pretty quick."

She waited for him to look up at her before she could see what kind of a look he wore on his face. It couldn't be good because he was out here alone. "I was...well, I was worried about you. You alright?" She stood not too close and wanted to come closer, but didn't want to break his 'bubble'. she knew more about personal space than most people, she guarded her own with her power so she did not want to disturb his.

"I could go, but I'd rather not go back in there without you." she cocked her hip and her head to the side in a cute kind of display of giving in to some greater power and revealed to him "You know I only came down to that party to see you. Ember wanted to work out, I was hoping ...oh nevermind...if you don't want to talk I can go...or I can just sit here with you in silence, it's not good to be alone."

The snow was falling lightly still and as she stood looking at him a slight dusting was settling on the top of her forcefield. She started to take a step closer, she would have done whatever she wanted to before Limbo, before the Brotherhood attack, but now she actually cared about this guy and his feelings so she waited to hear what he said. He had his own mind and he didn't need her making it up for him. That seems like something his wonderful blue haired pipsqueek would do for him, Haven guurl, you're a better friend than that.... be his friend. she thought and stood waiting in the silence of the falling snow for his reply.

[Diesel]

Ian looked up at Haven, standing there looking almost timid with the snow falling softly on her. He gave a grim smile. "Na babe, you know you can stay. I ain't gonna say no to you. Besides, you being here doesn't bug me," he said and scooted over so she'd have room on the statue. Ian stayed silent for a couple of minutes, trying to get his thoughts together while he skipped pebbles into the bush and trying to get his head straight. He needed to talk to someone, didn't bother to earlier cause so much was happening and it wasn't in his nature to let it all out. It had piled on until now it was just too much for him.

With a final chuck of the rock into the bush, Ian let out a big sigh and looked up at the dark sky with snow falling lightly. "It's just such shit Haven. I mean everything that's happened lately. That Brotherhood thing was what it was, we all made it, except for Wolverine and Nightcrawler but they're cool now. But God damn, they didn't tell us anything. I don't think they even knew anything," he said slightly angrily remembering the whole episode in the woods. "Me and Pipsqueak, we went to the woods to get to the bottom of what happened with that whole thing and how the hell it started. We found pieces of Spitfire's shredded clothes, huge knee prints and then a crater. Thinking what might have gone down.... it shouldn't have happened. The only thing that keeps me from blowing up about that is when you told me you saved her," Ian said glancing at her with a small smile. "It just bugs me I mean there were all these people there, all these teachers, and they let that girl take it on herself to deal with that giant cat guy with a retard haircut. I tried to help her I really did, I got my guts ripped out in the process. I thought I was the only one who did. Spitfire's a super soldier, I saw that in Limbo that girl kicks ass. But she didn't deserve to take that hit for all of us..." he trailed off thinking about the bloody scene they found later on. "I still don't know exactly what happened but I hate what I do know. I ain't dumb or slow like most people say I am, I know Spitfire has little patience with me, but she's my friend whether she likes it or not. Sometimes I think that me and you are the only one that gave a damn about her. Even Cyclops said that everyone was too busy. Well guess what, I don't give a shit what's going on with me. If my buds need me I'll be there. If anyone needs me I'm there cause that's how it should be." he said still keeping his eyes up on the sky.

"And then with Limbo... shit babe. I don't think I've ever been so out of it before. We were kicking ass with the few that came at us but then when we snuck into the crowd, and me and you did what Wolverine dude calls 'The Fastball Special' and Belasco caught you... oh man babe I tried, I really did. I wanted you out of those chains and safe with me but Kitty Teach kept pulling me back and by the time I got to you it was too late. I ain't gonna lie to you, I felt like total shit. I told you just a couple of minutes before that I'd look out for you and look how you ended up. If it weren't for TrueSpirit... I don't even wanna think what woulda happened," Ian said swallowing a bit and throwing another pebble into the bush.

He let out another breath and just looked straight ahead. "Now after all that happened, you'd thinks would be right, but they ain't. Elixir's gone, and I know she was kinda nuts in Limbo but she didn't deserve to die there. And now everyone home seems different. Pipsqueak seems fine, like nothing happened. I don't know what that means, but I guess she held it in like me. Look at Kevin, he got a backbone now, but I know my little buddy got his scars that weigh him down too. The only thing I'm happy about is that I got you back and Spitfire seems better. I don't think I ever liked Wolverine dude more than when I saw him hugging Spitfire and making her human again," Ian said with a slight smile. He had a big heart, and it wasn't something unknown. Every person Ian met touched his life in a certain way that made him hold most of them close.

For the first time since he started talking, Ian glanced over at Haven. "It's like everything is backwards now babe. Just a couple of weeks ago I was cruising down the highway in my buds 'Stang and trying to pick up these senior babes. Now everything is different. I don't even feel like me anymore," Ian said softly and let out a sigh, feeling a bit better to at least say all that out loud.

[Haven]

Ian, I..." she folded her forcefield down and away for now. The snow sluffing off of it with a shake and what little fell on her she dusted off as she sat next to him. It was real cold, but she didn't care right at that moment. She felt like this guy needed a hug, and a hug through a forcefield wouldn't do.

Leaning in and wrapping her arms around him she said softly "I'm so sorry for all I caused. I am to blame for it all, and I wont be mad at you if you never forgive me for it, I might never forgive myself. I almost killed everybody who even remotely cared about me." Holding him she shivered as a light wind kicked up in the courtyard, swirling the powdery snow into tight circles in the air.

"It's ok to be different now, nothing will ever be the same...I want you to know that the change in me has made me happier than I've ever been in my life so far. I have a home, a couple of friends, and... I'm not lost out in the world anymore, without a place to drop anchor. I was driftin in the world and now I don't have to...don't have to do what I did for money, or food." Her heart was heavy remembering how her life was.

She used to get shuffled from group home to group home until she split that scene. Stand on the street corner turning tricks, till she got taken in by the momma of the whorehouse. Made big money, six clients a day at least but she didn't see the money, 'room and board' was what she was told. Stayed out of fear, she was just a little thing. Stayed until she couldn't turn off her forcefield anymore and she was no good to them there.

She had put a lot of hope in this school when Ms.Frost had come and collected her. Not enough it seemed now though as she remembered how she just snapped. Left and joined the Brotherhood, left for more of the same. The same hurt, the same touching, the same talks of love with conditions and strings attached. They could shut down her forcefield, Sabertooth took his liberties, and the 'father' of that 'whorehouse'...Magneeto, turned a blind eye.

"I know things are different, and it's all my fault. It would suck for things to go back...for me at least...but I would give it all up. I would do that if I could, cause you would for me. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have a friend like you and I'm sorry that I made things go bad." She held on to him and the thoughts of going back to her old life for him flowed into her head. It was all she had known, all she was good at, and what would it matter if she went back to that. Not that she could but she would, she knew she wasn't worth much in this world.........Not much at all...but he was

[Diesel]

Ian's arms wrapped around Haven's small frame, pulling her closer and letting out a large breath. He closed his eyes, enjoying the comfort that he really did need. Yeah he was a strong guy and he got angry too, but sometimes it got too much for him and he just needed some simple comfort. "Aw babe, don't say that. You didn't cause it all. This is Magneto we're talking about he would have came at us sooner or later with or without you. He used you as an excuse, thats all. It ain't your fault," he said bring her in front of him so he could shield her a bit from the cold wind.

"I don't mean to sound like I'm blaming you babe, it's just all this stuff is new to me. I mean before now I used to think it was killer to get a pop quiz in school or go out to surf only to see the beach is closed cause of a shark sighting. And now all this stuff was thrown at me and just..." Ian sighed and rested his chin on her head, taking a moment to collect himself. "I feel way different you know? Like I'm not even me anymore. I'm looking at stuff differently, at people differently. It's just weird," he mumbled, bracing himself as the wind picked up a bit and doing his best to keep it from getting to Haven by turning them both so the wind hit his back.

"It's like I hate what happened, but I kinda see why it had to happen. Cause if it didn't, I mean I wouldn't have found you, you know? And Spitfire wouldn't have her best friend back, cause you wouldn't be around. I don't want you to go back to whatever you went through, I ain't gonna ask but I can only guess its not like mine. I want you here though. If all that had to happen, the only thing I'm happy about is that in the end, I got you here and Spitfire's happy. Man that makes it all worth it," Ian said with a slight smile, pulling back and smiling at her. He was happy he got his friend back, and made a new one on top of it. He knew that Haven and him, and Kitty Teach too had a bond from Limbo, as did everyone else that stuck through it together. Maybe that's what its all about. The end is always worth it.

[Haven]

Oh this feels too good Haven thought as she let herself relax and melt into his embrace. Her fingers slid along his torso softly and she listened to his words. More than just his words, she listened to his tone, the meaning behind the words. What is he trying to tell me she wondered.

Niki had been with so many men over the years and she felt herself falling into old habits of movement, but this was different, she really cared about this guy. He isn't just some John who's gonna get up after he shoots his wad and leave me. she thought. He's a friend...he's so warm, and I feel his strength...he's excusing my behavior- wow he must care about me.

"You are a different you," she said softly as he pulled back away from her "and you do have me here." She closed her eyes and leaned in kissing him on his lips. Softly, lingeringly, her hands finding their way up his body to the back of his neck. Her tongue reaching out for his as her fingers found themselves twirling in his hair. I hope I'm not wrong here, too late if I am... she thought as she took a chance in the cold, with a friend who might be more.

[Diesel]

Ian didn't really know what came over him, but his thoughts and common sense sort of stopped when Haven's lips went on his. It was like the more primal side came out just then when he sort of got himself back together and he kissed her back. It was one of those kisses that are based on pure instinct, driven by a feeling of closeness. He held her close, one hand on the small of her back and the other moving up to tangle itself in her hair. All he wanted was that closeness again, the comfort that he needed as much as he wanted to give. At that moment, Ian forgot everything and just kissed her, letting go of all those feelings that were driving him crazy.

He didn't know how long he kissed her back, matching her stroke. When his neck managed to touch the cold of the statue, that jolted Ian back into the real world. He pulled away from Haven, his eyes wide in disbelief and shock. "Whoa, wow. Whoa," Ian said moving away from her to shake his head trying to get his thoughts together. What the freak... did I just? Holy shit I can't believe I just did that. freak, freak freak! his head screamed when he thought of Lorelai, his little Pipsqueak.

Ian looked over at Haven with his mouth open and something twisted a bit in his heart when he saw her. "Haven... I shouldn't have done that. Babe I ain't a cheater, I don't mess around on girls. I shouldn't have done that... I can't do that to Pipsqueak... This whole thing..." he cut himself off, not knowing what else what to say. He sighed and banged his head against the statue. "I don't regret kissing you, I'd be lying if I said I did. I just shouldn't have," he said in a quiet voice, glancing at her. "I don't know what I'm gonna tell her either. Well... freak," Ian said with a short laugh and tossed another pebble into the bush.

[Haven]

"It's o.k. relax, I'm cool. I like you and all, but I understand and I'm your friend first before I'm anything else. So I wont say anything." she rubbed her arms for warmth, not wanting to separate herself from him with her forcefield. Damn, I like you so much more than a friend though, I saw your eyes in Limbo, when you thought you failed me...but it was me who failed me...you never let me down

Haven took a deep breath of the cold winter air and hesitated, knowing what she was going to say was not complimentary in the least, however she had to tell him how she felt. "If you want to stay with her I can't stop you, but I wont say I'd be thrilled for you. I don't like her for you, she seems like she just knows you're hers and she's gonna do whatever she wants. She takes away from you, your girlfriend should add to your life not take away from it." she took a hand and placed it on his forearm looking into his eyes and said "You're a cool guy Ian, open minded, honest, I know you don't cheat. It's plain as day."

Niki folded her ams across her ample breasts and sat watching him tossing pebbles. "So now what? I don't want to put pressure on you, so that's not what I'm asking....but now what do we do?" She didn't know how she was going to shut off whatever he had turned on in her, and she was pretty sure she didn't want to. She looked at his face, his lips. "...cause that was ....uh....really great you know. I'd like to do it again."

[Diesel]

Ian gave her a small smile, glad that she got it. He shrugged his jacket off and handed it to Haven, never liking to see a girl cold near him. "Put this on babe before you freeze," Ian said softly and sighed again. "I like her a lot Haven I really do. I mean she's probably the best bud I have here, and the first friend I made before all the others arrived. She's really is cool, I mean we haven't really had a chance to sit down and talk about anything really with all that went down. And now like after all that's happened... well I just I don't know. I was kidding when I said I don't feel like me anymore," Ian said and banged his head against the statue. Man what am I doing? Everythings like backwards now, he thought with another sigh.

He looked over at Haven with a slight smile and shook the snow off his hair. "Babe... we can't do anything now, I gotta talk to Pipsqueak. It ain't fair for me to go behind her back. I don't know what's gonna happen with that. I still like her but its like I don't know what the shift between us means. And well..."Ian was a black and white person for the most part, with a little gray area here and there.

"Like okay, I know I'm kinda oblivious sometimes, but well I like know there's something going on here," he said waving his hand between the two of them. "I just... nothing can really happen now. I won't do that to Pipsqueak, I owe it to her to be straight out with her, you dig that babe?" Ian said with a half smile, now feeling way more confused and apprehensive than before. He moved to put his arm around her and used his free hand to toss another pebble in a bush. "Man life didn't seem that complicated till I got here," Ian said with a short laugh.

[Haven]

Breathing out a huff of air and seeing it whispy in front of them, warm breath in the cold of a winter night, Niki leaned into Ian. She realized he was right, and that he was not for her, not now and maybe not ever. She didn't want to be another thing that made him upset...she was the source of all the other things already. It was slowly dawning to her that she was a maelstrom of disruption, a nexus point of bad feelings and confusion.

She took a breath of fresh air and said "I don't want to hurt you anymore Ian. I'm so sorry." she turned to bury her face in him and enjoy the last moments of this dream before the reality of their situation would wake her like the evil light of morning creeping in through the cracks in the blinds of a bedroom window. She liked his smell, his voice, his touch...but he was not hers to have, she knew she wasn't worthy.

She drank in the moment, let it linger before she said "You better head in, they care about you...they'll wonder where you are. Besides, wolf guy is probably..." she stopped herself, cursing her own uncensored mouth "..uh, forget I said that, sorry, all I seem to do is upset you Ian." She stood up and took his coat off. Handing it back to him she let her forcefield rise up to shield her from the wind and snow, it would take a minute to warm up inside but she'd be fine.

[Diesel]

Ian looked at Haven, just looking at her for the hell of it as she stood there with her forcefield up and looking almost defeated and alone. "You got nothing to be sorry for babe. Nothing at all," he said quietly and put his jacket on, making no move to leave the spot on the ground. "You never hurt me, not the way your thinking at least," he said picking up pebbles and tossing them in the bush again. "The rest of them can wait. I wanted fresh air and I ain't through. And Pipsqueak should do what she thinks is right for her, that's what I do and that's what I want her to do," Ian said with a slight smile at the thought of her, but it seemed like a different sort of smile now.

"Believe it or not babe, you don't upset me. Hell if anything you calm me down. I really needed to unload and I'm glad it's you I told. It wouldn't have felt right with anyone else, I guess that's natural huh? With everything we went through together," he said tossing some pebbles in the bush.

He looked back at her and smiled, though his face showed it was all sincere. "Babe, I care about you too, and so does Spitfire. You're like her only friend in the world. It don't matter how many people care about you, its the fact that those who do would do anything for you. And with that babe, hell you're as lucky if not luckier than me," Ian said with a grin. "I ain't going anywhere."

Resuming the task of tossing pebbles in the bush, he sighed again still feeling extremely confused and not all there. "You can go in babe if you want. I'm staying," Ian said shaking the snow out of his hair.

[Haven]

"Wow...." Niki could barely say it she was almost speechless on hearing what he'd said. How can I be loved like this? I believe him I just don't understand why anybody would care...am I really worthwhile...that worthwhile? "....uh, Ian." she said softly "If it's all the same to you I think I want to stay. No kissing, no touching, you don't have to even talk, I'll just keep you company.....ok?"

She didn't need his permission, she was going to stay anyway, but she wanted him to know she was going to do it on his terms. She was going to play nice, give him his space, his time to talk things out... if he needed to, or felt like he wanted to. Niki didn't care to break up Ian and his girl, she knew that was coming anyway, it wouldn't be because of her, it was just a matter of time.

She sat down again next to him. It was cold comfort to be near him, to hear his breath in the night and watch him tossing pebbles at the bushes. He was so strong, if he wanted to she bet he could toss one of them right through the wall or skip one off the face of the moon. So much strength, he kept control of it so well, she wouldn't want to see the person her ever lost control on.

Haven was glad to be the one he unloaded his burden on. It made her feel incredible to know he trusted her with his deepest concerns, she would be there for him, gladly... she would be the shoulder he could lean on. She would listen while he unloaded the weight of his heart. His worries would never be too heavy for her. "Unless you want to talk some more....do you?" she asked him softly.

[Diesel]

Ian gave her a side smile, carefully skipping the stones into the bush. He once tossed a little pebble at his ex girl's window what he thought was softly and ended up breaking it. Another time in football, he passed the ball to his teammate and ended up sending him flying into the waterboy who was way out on the sidelines. "I'm glad babe, I like chilling with you. Kinda literally out here huh?" he said chuckling at the corny joke. Man what do I tell Pipsqueak? I still like her a lot and she's been there with me since I got here. I don't get it I mean I was way happy to see her alright in Limbo. It's felt like something was off between us even then. And then that whole thing in the rec room was just weird, he thought and glanced over at Haven with a smile again.

"I'm good talking babe. I'll listen if you need me to, I mean you just listened to that whole thing with me, least I can do. 'Sides your one of my girls, I'll always listen," Ian said with a smile and tossed another pebble in the bush. Man and Haven... that was one hell of a kiss, I'll say that. It felt way better than it probably should. And I don't give a damn what anyone says, she's awesome. She saved Spitfire, she stuck with me in Limbo, and hell I know she'll stick with me through anything. And now its like... damn I thought only chicks were supposed to have this problem, he sighed softly.

"Talk to me babe. What's going on in that pretty head of yours while were here. Might as well huh?" Ian said and leaned over to look for some more pebbles.

[Haven]

"Yeah, might as well..." she said turning her head a little to the side and staring at him. "I'm glad too. You know I been a lot of places alone and they weren't fun places to be, but being with you even in Hell was not so bad." she didn't want to tell him about all the awful things she had done. Some of them because she had to and some because she wanted to. Right now she was just happy, being near him made her heart soar.

"I'm glad just sittin' here with you. I know it sounds funny, but I'm glad for the way you make me feel...all safe and welcome." Niki slid a little closer to him and thought yeah, I am glad you came into my life. She smiled and turned to look at him and show him her happiness.... and of course she didn't wear that top for no reason, so she did want him to notice her in a desirable way too.

"I'm thinking of Limbo and that first realization that we were there with just each other, you know what I mean...cause Kitty was gonna have to take care of Elixir and all...poor thing..." in a rare moment of compassion her heart went out to the girl who had caused them all such trouble in that hellish dimension. "...but I somehow knew that it was gonna be alright. Weird huh, I wasn't looking for what I found at all, but I found you in it and I found myself too."

"I can't believe it took goin' to hell to see what I truly was. How did you ever see the real me through all the layers and defenses I had stacked up around me? That just blows my mind." she looked into his eyes deeply and tried to see all there was in him the way he had done to her. "So, yeah..I'm glad you turned out to be someone special, someone who cares. Ian, you're gonna be in my heart for a long long time....and I'm glad."

She finished talking as the sound of a car pulling up to the front of the mansion caught her ear. The headlights playing their shadows in a dance up the front of the building and along the outside of the halls of the school. She thought about it for a moment, dancing with Ian. Then shaken from her fantasy as the doors of the vehicle opened up, Niki wondered aloud, "Who's that?" and turned to get a look. Bringing her hand up to shield the blinding light from the headlights, she noticed two figures emerging from what looked to be a cab.

[~ N.P.C. ~]

Inside the cab....


Jamie looked to his left at the girl seated next to him in the backseat of the cab. "Don't worry, we're coming to the Institute now." he said as the taxi pulled off the main road and onto the long drive up to the Xavier Family Mansion. The home and hearth of our family of heroes.

"So this is sort of a surprise for some I'm guessing, but then again maybe not. You'll do just fine..." he said to her seeing the anxiety in her eyes. "If you don't like it just give your folks a call and I'm sure they'll come get ya, but you might really enjoy it. You had no trouble adjusting to all that we just been through." He smiled at her.

"It's really nice here, not like the research facility on Muir Island at all, this is a home. You'll see..." the cab slowed and he said "...it's like one big extended family." The taxi cab stopped and he heard the cabbie pop the trunk. "You're gonna love it here, really. This family puts the fun in dysfunctional." He laughed at his own joke as he paid the fair and gave the man a nice tip for being so pleasant smelling.

Stepping out of the cab he saw two kids sitting together on the base of the memorial statue. He wondered why the girl wasn't wearing a coat, but then he shook his head saying to himself Jamie who knows what that girl can do, you've lived enough lives to know better than to jump to any conclusions. The two of them looked to be deep in a moment and he hated to break up the scene, as he turned around and offered his hand to Ricki to help her out of the taxi.